Southern Guilt

Deep in the heart of the South, there's an ever-present force moving amongst the populace that influences nearly everything that happens. While it goes unnoticed by most, it plays a role in almost all that occurs and every decision that they make. This universal being is a little thing I like to call Southern Guilt.

While it goes by many a name, including "courtesy", "What Would Jesus Do?” and "karma", Southern Guilt is no laughing matter. Those Catholics and white people just think they know guilt, but they've got nothing on us guilty bastards. But what exactly is Southern Guilt, and how does it show its ugly face? Let’s take a look:

Southern Guilt draws its roots from the conservative values instilled in every good Southerner from birth. Certainly it appears not only in the South, but the moral atmosphere below the Mason-Dixon is conducive to its presence. It involves making one’s own life worse to make someone else’s day better. For instance, I recently received a Facebook friend request from someone I did not like, and I accepted it because I “felt like I had to”. In retelling this story later to a group of intellectual friends, it was pointed out to me that the encounter was a spot-on display of Southern Guilt. I friended the fiend simply because I had to, because Jesus would have, because my mother would be pleased, but not because I truly wanted to hear about their shit on my wall. I let myself be walked on just to make sure no feelings got hurt. Shocked, it made me wonder how many things in my life are controlled by the Guilt, and rethink the way I handle situations.

But how big does the guilt get? What happens over time, when more and more people let others cut them in line without saying anything? Is this why Southern organizations and institutions have gotten behind the North? Do people limit their opportunities in life because of the Great Guilt? I look at the people in my community who are incredibly intelligent, but who never leave their hometown and work low-level jobs to make sure their aging parents are secure. They could be somewhere they enjoy, living their lives to the fullest, yet they allow themselves to suffer, with drawbacks that far outweigh the benefits in the long run.

Don’t succumb to Southern Guilt, readers, and don’t stand idly by while others do so. If you want to advance yourself in life, don’t let feelings stand in your way. Take care of yourself first. And that’s the way we get down…

In A Hick Town.

People Suck.

Last night, I was forced to make a foray into the jungle they call Wal-Mart. I'm never crazy about a trip to the big box for a variety of reasons, but the Thursday crowd was what got me. No one's ever accused me of being a liker of people, and my observations were not to the contrary. You see, if this trip taught me anything, it's this: People suck.

So I'm walking around the store, minding my own business, after moving twelve shopping baskets out of the parking space so I could fit, and I decide to stop by McDonald's (also not a fan) for a drink. And right there, at the entrance, some douche has left a half eaten candy bar. A. Twenty bucks says that they did not pay for that candy bar, and B. The trash can is four God damned feet away! If you're gonna steal a candy bar, at least have the decency to eat the whole thing and throw away your trash! But I continue shopping, sifting through the throngs of fatasses, and stepping over patrons who decide to lie down and read in the middle of aisles. And then, as I walk out the exit, I pass a young woman as she takes a puff of her cigarette, blows the smoke into the face of her six month old, hides the lit cigarette in her purse to sneak past the 80-year-old greeter, and then finishes it inside the store. What the Hell?! How old are you? Almost every person I saw in the store was in some way being obnoxious and scuzzy. What do these people get from doing these things? Are they that much happier than they would be if they were classy?

The more I think about it, the more I realize: this is America. These assholes are the epitome of modern Americana. They're the people who make the other 307,006,549 of us look like streetwalking roadwhores to Europeans. I think, I don't have any friends like that, no one I know is that trashy... but then I realize that those people must have friends and family too. Do their friends find them trashy? Are their friends also trashy?

Which makes me wonder: Are people we know trashy when we're not looking?

The thought of this horrifies me, but it's worth consideration. Does my health teacher litter when no one's there to see him? Does my great aunt leave shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot? My random acquaintances, cafeteria ladies, friendly neighborhood sex offenders, even my close friends, are they "those people" when I'm not around?

I'm not sure if this is a question of etiquette or integrity, but it's certainly not one to be dismissed. This hits close to home; that chick who snuck her smoke in is someone's mom. Does my mother steal chocolate bars and smoke in Wal-Mart? Or worse, do I do such disgusting things? Do people see me and mentally call me out for being sleazy? This menial Thursday mac and cheese run has completely changed my world view. I will forever be concerned with how gross or not gross everything I do is. I'll think twice before I leave straw wrappers on the drink counter or not clean up a movie theatre spill.

Maybe in this scenario, a negative view is the best one. Maybe if we all hated people as much as I do, we'd do our part to make the world better. And that's the way we get down...

In A Hick Town.